Therapy

There are a lot of weird people out there who find pleasure in exercise, something about releasing the endorphins or something or other. When I lived in town, I would walk around the local school's track or endure the agony of walking on a treadmill at the gym to keep in shape.  The only time I enjoyed this was when I walked with my mom, and that was because of the company, not because of the walking. Yes I felt better afterwards, but I hated doing it. I hated needing to do it, because it meant that my life was rather stationary. The only time I ever liked exercise was when I played racquetball, which I enjoyed even though I got stomped by my friend every single time we played. But again, I enjoyed the company just as much as the game.

I hear some people enjoy shopping and that it's a stress reliever for them.  I enjoy shopping, but mostly just with my sister and again that's more for the company than the shopping.  It's more fun for me when my sister's got money to spend than when I've got money to spend.  

Some women eat chocolate and it can instantly erase a day's frustration. I've never found such pleasure in it.  

Some people like to drink alcohol to "take the edge off."  While I do enjoy a glass of wine now and then, I don't drink to calm me down.

At 31 years old, I've figured out what I enjoy doing.  Really, really enjoy doing.

I like to garden.  

I like to grow pretty flowers and yummy vegetables.  I like watching the plants grow into maturity.

I like weeding, I like watering, I like trimming.  I like it all.

I get the whole endorphin release of the runner now.  I enjoy the feeling that comes from working in the garden and I enjoy the thrill of it all coming together.

And I like taking care of our animals. Aside from the fact that the goats are such fun, interesting creatures, I like the hard work of fixing fences, mucking the pen, and herding them up.  I get a lot of satisfaction out of taking care of them and the chickens.

There's more to it than just enjoyment and satisfaction, though. 

 For one, the hard work that comes from farming helps ease my mind when I have to deal with the harsh reality of being disliked or the tension that comes from assumptions and miscommunication.

The other thing, though, is even better.  

The other thing is confidence.  Because now I know I can do it.

I can grow vegetables successfully. I can make my garden look nice, in an orderly fashion, and keep it well maintained.  Not only can I keep plants alive, but they'll grow gorgeous flowers that make me happy.  I can get a coop set up for chickens and take care of them successfully.  I can de-worm a goat.  I can keep them fenced in (when I want). I'm a good goat-herder or whatever it's called. 

The confidence I've found from knowing that I can do these things my way and do them well, is like flood waters rushing in and sweeping away the feelings of inadequacy and inability I've allowed to creep in over the last few years. 

Goat Herders

We've somehow managed to go from zero to six goats in less than a month. 

A neighbor of ours decided she wasn't up to the challenge of raising goats and sold us two of hers.  This is Sweet Pea and she's a pygmy.  And she loves her grain.  That stuff is like crack to these goats and she especially loves it.

Onion.  So named because he loved all the wild onions growing in the spring.  He's a dwarf and a cutie.  He's smaller than our dog and he's fully grown.  He somehow manages to get out of the fence everyday. I find him standing right by the gate every night when I go to put them up.  Of course, this means he gets more attention and grain than the rest of them put together.  He's Chewy's new playmate, whether he likes or not.

Pippin settling in for the night.  Him and Merry have claimed the feed troughs for their beds.  Every morning when we open the pen they're all cozy and comfy in their bins.

Patches.  He's a good looking goat, but he's mean to the other goats and it scares me to take Silas into the fence with him around.

Patch's sister Peaches.  She's not friendly at all.  I don't like turning my back on her or Patches.  If they don't get any gentler, I don't know if we'll be able to keep them.

Merry settling in for the night.  Him and Pippin are definitely the gentlest ones.  Unfortunately this means that they're always at the back of the pack when it's time for grain and affection.

You Are My Sunshine

My mom used to sing that song to me every night.  She would sing, "You are my curly-headed baby" to my sister.

Silas stalking his prey:  a stink bug on my plant.

Today he was talking to his grandmother on the phone and he told her he was really excited about her coming up to see him.  Then my four-year-old son asked in a perfectly adult voice, "Are you looking forward to coming up?"

He makes me cry with his goodness.  The other day we had an argument over whether he was going to come and help me put up the goats for the night or not.  I wanted him to go, he desperately didn't want to go.  As I walked out the door I said something along the lines of him staying in his room and forgetting about Mommy (did I really say that to my son?  I can be so awful sometimes).  When I came back in 10 minutes later I couldn't find him in the house.  I opened the back door and started calling for him.  He'd put his socks and boots on and was out by the goats looking for me.  As he came up to me he started crying saying, "Mommy I didn't want to forget about you."

Today at lunch we were all eating our bacon, egg, and cheese sandwiches Christian had made us when Silas all of a sudden picks up his plate and starts licking it.  Licking it like you do when there's just a little bit of syrup left on your plate and no one's watching.  Then he puts down his plate, looks at us, sighs and says, "CHEESE!"

We've had this running conversation about when he grows up and leaves the house.  It's a mixture of Toy Story 3 and his understanding of the song, "You Are My Sunshine."  I've told him that when he gets older and he leaves, that my heart won't be as bright.  Last week he spent a few days at my dad's house.  Before he left he asked me how dark my heart was going to be.  Then he asked if I would be all right because I would still have Eli and Daddy with me.  When he returned he told me that while he was away his heart was a little dark because he missed all of us so much. 

I don't know why God blessed us with such a boy, but I thank Him everyday for it.

Eli Turns One

1.  His first word is, of course, "NO!"  He pronounces it 'na,' though.  I sometimes think he says "NaNa" when crawling after me, like some amalgamation of Mama and no (very appropriate).

2.  He hasn't shown much interest in standing or walking on his own.  He likes to hold onto your fingers and walk, but otherwise he just doesn't have the stability for going it alone.

3.  He's pretty quiet.  Except for when he's not happy, he doesn't talk a whole lot.

4. He's very strong-willed (a nice word for stubborn) and persistent. When he does something, he does it all out, good or bad.  He doesn't just drop his cup or cookie onto the ground, he throws it with all his strength.  He was very persistent at not sleeping through the night.  Now he sleeps 13 to 14 hours at night without a peep.  When he gets a fever, it's not just 100F, it's 104F.  When he's unhappy, it's not a little whine we hear, but a high-pierced shriek.  He'll voluntarily sign 'please' for things like being held by Mommy or wanting to go play with the big kids, but if we give him the ultimatum of having to sign 'please' for something like a cracker, then he won't do it.  He'd rather not have the cracker.

5.  Silas always wanted to make us happy and would do anything to please us.  And although Eli does like to be cheered and clapped for, he doesn't seek out opportunities to make us happy.  He does what he wants, plays what he wants, makes any funny face he wants, and our happiness is just a bi-product.  It's very similar to Christian.  While Christian does like being the center of attention, he won't get that attention your way.  He'll do something that makes himself laugh and get you laughing with him.

6.  If you combine #4 and 5, you get this one:  he's a little bit weird, doesn't fit the mold, walks to the beat of a different drummer, etc.  He makes funny faces and gestures while he's sitting there by himself.  He contentedly sits in his high chair and shakes his head or waves his arms around like he's trying to get something across to you.  He'll offer you one of his Cheerios then pull it back and eat it himself at the last second, with this look on his face like he knows exactly what he's doing.

A few other things of note:  He loves his back rubbed and his hair caressed, he loves giving hugs but hates kisses, he loves water if it's not too cold, he still wants to be held all the time, he hates being by himself, he loves playing with a ball, he loves the outdoors and animals, he loves music and loves to dance, he's become a really good eater, he loves thrills like being thrown in the air or twirled around, and he always wants to play with Silas (but who doesn't).  He was 17 lbs and 12 oz at his last doctor's appointment.

Monster Trucks

Christian and Silas went to see the Monster Trucks last weekend with some friends.

I'm pretty sure he had a good time.

Eli's Party

All of our family got together the Saturday after Eli's birthday to celebrate with some food, cake, and presents.

I couldn't get a good picture of his sister - she kept moving.

*If you can't read the captions on the pictures, you can click on the picture to make it larger.*